My Funeral was Lit
After faking my own violent kidnapping during my senior year at the Academy, I was astounded by the speed at which all my “friends” and “family” pivoted to planning my funeral ceremony.
I have to admit, as I watched from the hedgerows in my Joy Division hoodie, smoking a delicious clove, the turnout was impressive. All the cool goths from the whole county were there. They played “Asleep” by The Smiths on a boombox. They shared genuinely spirited stories about me. People laughed. Everyone had flasks. Nikki and Tosh were making out.
When the sun set, half of them stayed behind on blankets and wrote with lipstick on my tombstone. I’ll be honest with you right now, my fellow candle enthusiast: My wake was pretty good. My FUNERAL was LIT.
Travel size approximate burn time: up to 15 hours
Full size approximate burn time: up to 40 hours
3 wick size approximate burn time: up to 60 hours
18 oz approximate burn time: up to 80 hours
Studio size approximate burn time: up to 120 hours